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Feeling Every Emotion

Is it possible to feel every emotion at the same time? I’m starting to think/feel it is! What’s got me feeling this way is the state in which I find our country. I think our country is becoming deplorable. Everyone is literally fighting, currently, over politics and the two subpar candidates we have chosen. 

Let’s take a look at it: on the one hand we have a lying, cheating, money hungry, no good for America, piss poor candidate and on the other hand we have almost the mirror image in female form. 

Donald Trump appears to be an undiagnosed narcissist with no experience, a womanizer, a bigot, a xenophobe, and a racist who wants to make America great again by taking our country back to the “good ol’ days” where all his short falls are common place. Referencing the wheel, that makes me feel ANGER>MAD>FURIOUS/ENRAGED, or ANGER>CRITICAL>SARCASTIC. A good word is that is left out is PISSED. I’m pissed off at the fact that anyone would find him a good leader or worthy of running this country. 

Hillary Clinton appears to me to be an uncaring (despite all her seeming caring), over experienced mob boss waiting to take this country to the mattresses (see: Russia). Her campaign slogan, Stronger Together, which is actually true. We as a citizenry are stronger together, but not with her. Which brings me to her other slogan, I’m with her, well I definitely NOT. The idea that the majority of the female population is voting for her because she’s a woman is despicable. It makes me feel SAD>DESPAIR>VULNERABLE/POWERLESS. 

These two candidates as a whole are awful and makes me feel FEAR>ANXIOUS>WORRIED/OVERWHELMED. I feel at this point the only reason either party is voting for their candidate is to stop the other from getting in office and that people is every kind of SAD.

So what’s that leave us with? Jill Stein who’s not going to be on the ballot in all 50 states and Gary Johnson, who will be on the ballot in all 50 states. Surprisingly Johnson has won the hearts of 5% of Bernie followers even though (quoting Bill Maher) he’s a ventriloquist dummie who’s policy positions are almost uniformly the exact opposite of Bernie’s and who when asked to name a foreign country said Brangelina. The majority of his supporters are Libertarians still trying to make their voices heard. Neither of these candidates make me feel anything except maybe STUPID. 

So to sum it all up, politics has made me feel, at least, all of the negative emotions at the same time. Which ultimately leaves me feeling DISGUST>DISAPPROVAL/DISSAPOINTMENT/AWFUL/AVOIDANCE>JUDGEMENTAL/LOATHING/REPUGNANT/REVOLTED/DETESTABLE/HESITANT. The most being HESITANT,hesitant to even cast a vote next month. 

Losing My Religion, Finding the Answer

I was born in Louisville, KY in 1985 and was raised in the Catholic Church where I attended on the occasions that are relevant to the time of year it happens to be. Entering first grade I attended Portland Christian School (Church of Christ), from which I graduated in 2004. Once in PCS going to church on Sunday was mandatory and part of my grade for Bible class. My family then started attending church more often where I completed 4 of the 7 sacraments. The first being baptism (at a very early age), then Eucharist, reconciliation, and confirmation. I loved going to church on Sunday, I always sang along and could recite mass from memory. I liked helping poor people, probably because I grew up in the poorest neighborhood in the city and saw them all the time. Additionally, due to my parents playing on multiple softball teams, I grew up around a very diverse group of adults from pot smokers to openly gay people to ex-cons. I loved going to school too and learning scripture, putting it to memory, and reciting it on the spot when called. Then I got to high school and starting noticing things, things that I wasn’t particulary happy about. The first thing I noticed was being treated different by some, some teachers as well, because of the neighborhood I grew up in and because of my parents political views (very liberal). I also started noticing a lot of hypocrisy and a lot of people not “practicing what they preach.” These things made me a bit of a rebel (or so I thought), posting rock n roll lyrics in my locker (I still love rock and many other genres of music, but more on that later), calling out teachers on their bullshit (I love Jesus, but I cuss), and many other things that landed me in the principle’s office on multiple occasions. Going to a private, Cristian school was unique but not very diverse, unlike my life away from school. Looking back now, it wasn’t so much of me being a rebel as it was the beginning of me “losing my religion”. My parents were wrong for being Democrats and the people they hung around were going to hell. It left a sour taste in my mouth and as much as I fought against it it was difficult not to walk away from there with a lot of things I disagree with instilled in me. It hardened me quite a bit thinking that although I didn’t necessarily believe like the people from PCS did that maybe they were right and my family was wrong.

After high school I joined the military and it was a diversity explosion! I met and befriended people from all walks of life, different religions, atheist, gays, etc. It was easy making friends because of the way I was raised in my home life, but still having this idea that these people were going to hell. I grew up a lot in the military and realized that everyone there was there for a lot of different reason, but we all had one common goal and that was serving our country. Getting to know the people I was serving with and seeing that they were great people I began to wonder how these people could be damned. It made me bitter and it made me resent my religion more. 

Then beginning in 2008 I lost my religion completely. America had just elected its first African American president and racism was running rampant. I noticed people on my FB saying and posting racist things and being cruel, my “Christian” friends. It only got worse as time went on, every “liberal” move the president made was criticized and condemned by Christians and now eight years later he is still hated by “the Christian Right” because of his politics. Now I didn’t come here to defend Obama, but what a great POTUS he’s been. While campaigning for his second term racial tensions, among other things, were rising and I hated my old religion, I wanted nothing to do with its people or their God! And then just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, Donald Trump becomes our countries conservative, Christian, Republican candidate and spews his hate and anger and lewdness and narcissism and bigotry around like a cold! And what does the people of my old religion do? They defend him, make excuses for him, and continue to support him like he is the second coming of Christ. It seemed most Christians were intolerant of all non-Christians and vice versa. Now, it seems, I’ve lost my religion and my faith. My faith in God and my faith in humanity. 

Through my whole experience the big things that I’ve wondered are: what happened to Jesus? What happened to his teachings? What happened to the love? I have this overwhelming feeling that He is disappointed. I think, no, I know that this is not what He taught, not what he practiced, not what he preached. What he taught and showed to all was LOVE and acceptance and understanding. Judge not lest ye be judged, treat others as you want to be treated, love each other!! John 13:34 A new commandment I give unto you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. My religion needs to return to this simple commandment and quickly. Quit concentrating on the Old Testament and focus on Jesus’ teachings, because His sacrifice made the the Old Testament moot, rendered it useless, null and void! Get it? The answer: Love

In closing, I still believe in Jesus and I still believe that through Him all things are possible. I still believe in love and I still believe that people that share my beliefs are, at their core, good people. I believe that no matter what walk of life you are from or how you believe that we can all accept/respect each other and that we can all love one another. Maybe then I, and others like me, will “re-find” my religion that I love. 

Liberal Asshole

Ever since I really started to follow politics, sometime in high school, I’ve been known as a Liberal Asshole. Now when I say that I don’t mean that I’m hippy, or a tree hugger, or some extremist that takes PCness to a whole other level. It just means that I will argue a liberal point of view to I’m blue in the face, even if I’m talking to someone that couldn’t care less about what I was saying and I absolutely love making fun of Republicans (I do, however, have a lot of Republican friends). I’ve been desribered as an “LibA” by my stepmother and she says my father is the same way. I’ll argue with anyone over anything political and I don’t care what the forum is, if you say something believe that I will tell you about yourself, why you’re wrong, and more than likely that you’re stupid.

I used to think that my father and I may be the only LibA’s in the US. That’s probably because we lived in a very poor neighborhood with a lot of rednecks who think being an uber conservitive, right wing, gun nut is like magic and only they can perform it. Not to mention all the heat I took in school (very conservative Christian) for being liberal. Maybe I was the only one that took the gospel to heart, maybe I’m just a masochist. 

Don’t believe me to be a person to be gratified by pain? After high school the next journey I took in life was joining the military. Trust me, being a liberal in the military is like letting people slam your face into a brick wall and when their done continuing to do it on your own. I got asked a lot what I was doing there. Well, I also believe in fighting for what I stand for and that’s the constitution and the freedom to believe as I wish. I did, however, find some like-minded souls serving with me and they are also the definition of Liberal Asshole. All of us voicing our very left opinions loudly and often. 

So why am I a self professed LibA? Well other than the arguing my point loudly, and at times obscenely, I have a firm belief that if you are considered lower-middle class or poor and you vote Republican than you’re either stupid or not paying attention. 

Most right-wingers in this status class are, in my opinion, single issue voters. They vote republican simply because a candidate claims to believe in God or because they are pro-life. I think this is ridiculous first of all because God gave us all free will and it definitely shouldn’t be up to a man to decide how or what a woman does with her body. I’ve heard right-wingers claim they vote that way because “someone has to pay for welfare.” How ridiculous! I know some people abuse the system and there should be policy put in place to rectify that, but some people actually need the welfare system in place and thank God it is when they need help. Some of those people are republicans!

Some people vote “right” because they’re scared they’re going to lose their second amendment rights! Well, let me be the first to tell you, that notion is insane and here’s why: first, the House of Represenatives would have to come together with Congress (that being quite the feat in its self) and draft an Amendment to the Constitution and they would have to approve it with a two-thirds majority vote. Second, if approved by both Houses of Congress the proposal would be sent to the states for ratification where they would need three-fourths of the state legislators to approve it. Which means all 50 states would have to be in near universal agreement. So every time you hear a politician say something in regards to your gun rights you can rest easy knowing that it can’t happen and that more than likely they’re just trying to drive up gun sales. Don’t believe me? Just look at how much gun and ammo sales went up every time Obama mentioned the words guns, or second amendment, or loopholes, restricting guns, background checks, etc. Well, they went from about 7 million sold in 2002 to around 15 million sold in 2013. Turns out, President Obama is the best gun salesman in the nation.

Consider this as well: I own guns, I believe in a strong military (although some military spending could be cut) because the military industrial complex is one of the things that helps our nation thrive, and to top it all off I’m a Christian, because I believe being Christian and Republican are not mutually exclusive. In fact I believe religion has absolutely no place in politics. I also believe that Jesus was a liberal, and if you read the gospels, a bit of a liberal asshole at times, if I dare say so myself.

Believe me when I tell you this: Most Republicans, especially the ones in office, are rich, white jerks who are only out to make themselves richer and could care less about you and your “poor people problems.” They only pander to you to get your vote, to get their way, and to make you believe that you matter. Republicans are supposed to work for us, but when’s the last time one worked for you?

So call me a liberal asshole, I don’t mind! Maybe I’ll eventually get through to you and help you to see past the crap they feed you on a daily basis. I’d much rather be called that than a Bible thumping, racist redneck to damn stupid to see what’s in front of me. So, I’ll go ahead and leave this here, you take from it what you like and if you want to chat then let’s do so. Remember this though, even if you’re right, you’re wrong. At least in my opinion.

“A Life Changer”

So I have a question: have you ever taken a life changing shit? I’m not talking about barely making it to the toilet and then shitting all over the place, I’m talking about a life changing shit that caused some life changing shit.

Now before I get fully into this, why is it before, during, or after we deficate why do we say I need to take a shit, I’m taking a shit, or I just took a shit? Why isn’t it I need to leave a shit, I’m leaving a shit, or I just left a shit? I mean if something happens that I don’t appreciate, for instance someone talking shit, I start by not giving a shit, but I certainly don’t take any shit, and usually ends with me leaving a piece of shit on the floor.

But I digress…

The Urban Dictionary defines “A Life Changing Shit” as this: “When you take a REALLY GOOD shit and it CHANGES you.” Well, allow me to go a little more into detail. 

There are times when you just aren’t feeling yourself, maybe your feeling a little sick or down in the dumps, maybe like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Maybe it’s been a stressful day, week, or month. You feel constipated or even bloated, but you know this can’t be the case because you’ve been shitting regularly. Then suddenly everything you’ve been holding down starts coming up and your belly starts to rumble because you have to shit! You cautiously get yourself to the nearest toilet and you squeez out that first turd and you instantly start feeling better. You’re temperature breaks, you start feeling cheery, the weight lifts, you feel you could take on the world, and that constipated/bloated feeling finally goes away. You’re going to get up off that porcelain throne and you’re going to get things done! That, my friends, is A LIFE CHANGING SHIT. 

Now I’ve experienced a few life changers in my thirty one years, which if you ever see “life changer” as my status on Facebook then you know what’s up, and I’m going to tell you about my first one. 

It was very early in the year 2008 and I was on my first deployment in support of OIF. I was stationed aboard the USS Hary S. Truman and we were somewhere in the Persian Gulf after pulling out of Dubai, UAE for the third time. I had already missed Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family, my son was going to be born soon, and my chief was on me about everything! I wanted to go home or lie down in my rack until we got back home. Needless to say I was stressed and not feeling to great physically or mentally. Then there was a fleeting moment, I don’t remember where I was on the boat when it hit me, but it hit me. Ohhh, I really need to take a shit and I need to do it now! I vaguely remember walking, searching through my brain trying to map the best route to my favorite head, that’s a bathroom to all you civilians, the one that always had toilet paper and it’s never crowded. I remember it being almost a perfect sitiuation, I arrived to the head and it was empty and I didn’t even have to clean the seat (I did anyway). I sat down and the next minute went in slow motion and it went like this. 

There wasn’t even really a grunt, the turd exited out of my bowels, I broke into a small sweat, the turd hit the water and there was barely a splash. Had it been a dive I would have received a perfect score and won gold for my country. Then in a fleeting moment, like being touched by the hand of God, I was healed! I had planned out everyday until my return home, I was motivated to get things done, and the stress of getting home wasn’t bearing down anymore! It was a great moment, like a superb drugless high and I felt like I was king of the world….but just for a minute.

See life changing shits are exceptional and you can ride that high for a while, but it’s more of a “don’t give a shit” high. This happens, your golden minute drugless high turning into a “don’t give a shit” high, because you instantly start to feel a little tired and you lose almost all motivation. And do you want to know why? Because then you remember that you still have to wipe your ass.