The Glass is Half…?

WOW….what in the hell is going on? Donald Trump is going to be the next President of the United States. I woke up this morning…broken, to say the least! I drove around this morning just trying to find a way to attempt to begin to wrap my brain around it.

Then I got this meme from a Trump supporter and one of my best friends. I laughed because it’s funny in that hopelessly depressing sort of way. Although I laughed it still wasn’t do much for the impending doom/the end of the world is upon us mood that I was in. I started calling family member and fellow liberals to bitch about the fact that our backwards ass country voted in this racist, this bigot, this fool to the arguably the most important job in the free world. While talking to a family member I was urged to watch Trump’s acceptance speech, which I was actively avoiding because I wasn’t trying to hear the same shit I’ve been hearing for two years.

Reluctantly I watched the whole video before passing judgement on what he said. Um…first, is this even the same man that has been campaigning the last two years? Now, you can say whatever you want about the campaign trail being tough and doing what you have to do to win and all that, but I’m calling bullshit. Bernie didn’t run smear campaigns, but maybe that’s why he lost. 

The man I saw today, talking about the debt of gratitude we owe Hillary for her service, how we’re going to rebuild our crumbling infrastructure, how he would like for all of us to come together to help him accomplish his goals, how we are going to help ourselves and then others, and how we are going to be peaceful with those who wish for peace. 

😳 I was SHOCKED!!, to say the least. And found myself a little excited, if you will. It was not anything I was expecting to hear and nothing I was expecting to feel. Hell, it could be an act, another lie among many, it could be absolutely horrendous. On the other hand it could be ok, maybe even great. I mean in all the research I did on Trump the one I can tell you for sure is he is far from a conservative. I mean he could possibly accomplish one thing that Obama didn’t (not that he was given a fair shake from jump) and that’s bringing the country together. Hillary sure as hell wasnt going to do it and I think that a lot of supporters, myself included, were so iffy on her that we can still try to “hear out” Trump.

I do, however, still have great concern for marriage equality, Roe v. Wade, and for the LGBT community.

But, as for me, I will be Glass Half Full. I will do my best to try and support our soon to be Commander in Cheif and I will remain cautiously optimistic until proven wrong, if proven wrong. And if I am proven wrong…?


“A Life Changer”

So I have a question: have you ever taken a life changing shit? I’m not talking about barely making it to the toilet and then shitting all over the place, I’m talking about a life changing shit that caused some life changing shit.

Now before I get fully into this, why is it before, during, or after we deficate why do we say I need to take a shit, I’m taking a shit, or I just took a shit? Why isn’t it I need to leave a shit, I’m leaving a shit, or I just left a shit? I mean if something happens that I don’t appreciate, for instance someone talking shit, I start by not giving a shit, but I certainly don’t take any shit, and usually ends with me leaving a piece of shit on the floor.

But I digress…

The Urban Dictionary defines “A Life Changing Shit” as this: “When you take a REALLY GOOD shit and it CHANGES you.” Well, allow me to go a little more into detail. 

There are times when you just aren’t feeling yourself, maybe your feeling a little sick or down in the dumps, maybe like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Maybe it’s been a stressful day, week, or month. You feel constipated or even bloated, but you know this can’t be the case because you’ve been shitting regularly. Then suddenly everything you’ve been holding down starts coming up and your belly starts to rumble because you have to shit! You cautiously get yourself to the nearest toilet and you squeez out that first turd and you instantly start feeling better. You’re temperature breaks, you start feeling cheery, the weight lifts, you feel you could take on the world, and that constipated/bloated feeling finally goes away. You’re going to get up off that porcelain throne and you’re going to get things done! That, my friends, is A LIFE CHANGING SHIT. 

Now I’ve experienced a few life changers in my thirty one years, which if you ever see “life changer” as my status on Facebook then you know what’s up, and I’m going to tell you about my first one. 

It was very early in the year 2008 and I was on my first deployment in support of OIF. I was stationed aboard the USS Hary S. Truman and we were somewhere in the Persian Gulf after pulling out of Dubai, UAE for the third time. I had already missed Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family, my son was going to be born soon, and my chief was on me about everything! I wanted to go home or lie down in my rack until we got back home. Needless to say I was stressed and not feeling to great physically or mentally. Then there was a fleeting moment, I don’t remember where I was on the boat when it hit me, but it hit me. Ohhh, I really need to take a shit and I need to do it now! I vaguely remember walking, searching through my brain trying to map the best route to my favorite head, that’s a bathroom to all you civilians, the one that always had toilet paper and it’s never crowded. I remember it being almost a perfect sitiuation, I arrived to the head and it was empty and I didn’t even have to clean the seat (I did anyway). I sat down and the next minute went in slow motion and it went like this. 

There wasn’t even really a grunt, the turd exited out of my bowels, I broke into a small sweat, the turd hit the water and there was barely a splash. Had it been a dive I would have received a perfect score and won gold for my country. Then in a fleeting moment, like being touched by the hand of God, I was healed! I had planned out everyday until my return home, I was motivated to get things done, and the stress of getting home wasn’t bearing down anymore! It was a great moment, like a superb drugless high and I felt like I was king of the world….but just for a minute.

See life changing shits are exceptional and you can ride that high for a while, but it’s more of a “don’t give a shit” high. This happens, your golden minute drugless high turning into a “don’t give a shit” high, because you instantly start to feel a little tired and you lose almost all motivation. And do you want to know why? Because then you remember that you still have to wipe your ass.