It Needed to Be Said

Recently I had a bit of a falling out with, what I would consider, a good friend. No matter the circumstances, no matter what was going down, no matter who was pissed at him (even if that someone was me), I always had his back. 
A little background: I met him when he started dating my cousin. He got me a job with him at FedEx, working for a contractor, driving a box truck and doing pickup and delivery of packages at various warehouses. We talked for hours everyday and really got to know each other. It’s been a fantastic and productive friendship until recently.

I’ve been down for a while (in life in general) and he’s been there, and he’s been down too and I’ve been there as much as possible while also trying to juggle life. 
He and my cousin have broke things off now, and that’s all I’ve heard about from him recently. How much he loves her, wants to be with her, wants his family, and so on, etc. Which, I have much empathy for his situation, been there, done that, got the T-shirt. At the same time, it was putting strain on our friendship due to the fact that he just didn’t seem to get that it was time to move on. 
Recently, he came over to my house and asked to use my phone. I let him, not thinking anything about it, and instead of using it to make a call, he went through all of my messages (like a suspicious girlfriend) and saw some things I had been discussing with a mutual friend about him and his need to slow down, take a step back, and try to see the bigger picture. What’s worse is he’d done this to other friends, going as far as putting his email in their phones in order to keep track of their movements and their correspondence. Well, he stormed off and said I was talking shit, although, everything said in the messages I had said to him at one point or another. 
I was pissed, I saw it as a betrayal of trust. I’ve had his back more than anyone and he was engaged to my cousin with two kids. I knew that we needed to talk (and we most certainly still need to) to get our shit straight, but I wasn’t ready, I was still very angry.
We’d been around each other a couple times since and we only traded pleasantries and small talk. This may have fixed things in his mind, but not in mine. 
To further this drama, I recently got found doing some things I shouldn’t have done, with which he was involved. My cousin (his former fiancé) and her brother (also my cousin) were also implicated in the mess (I am neither confirming or denying their involvement). When approached about it, in order to end any implication of either cousin’s involvement, I had to share a name and I shared his. You can debate and argue to me that that was wrong, but in my eyes if he wasn’t/isn’t willing to fall on that sword for the “family he loves so much”, especially now as a family outsider, then he’s not the guy I thought he was. 
He’s somewhere right now brooding, blaming the whole thing on me, and in my opinion, just being an ass about the whole thing. Hopefully, one day in the not to distant future, we’ll sit down and have the talk that needs to be had and then we can start the rebuild our great friendship. I’m open to the conversation, the ball is in his court.

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Feeling Every Emotion


Is it possible to feel every emotion at the same time? I’m starting to think/feel it is! What’s got me feeling this way is the state in which I find our country. I think our country is becoming deplorable. Everyone is literally fighting, currently, over politics and the two subpar candidates we have chosen. 

Let’s take a look at it: on the one hand we have a lying, cheating, money hungry, no good for America, piss poor candidate and on the other hand we have almost the mirror image in female form. 

Donald Trump appears to be an undiagnosed narcissist with no experience, a womanizer, a bigot, a xenophobe, and a racist who wants to make America great again by taking our country back to the “good ol’ days” where all his short falls are common place. Referencing the wheel, that makes me feel ANGER>MAD>FURIOUS/ENRAGED, or ANGER>CRITICAL>SARCASTIC. A good word is that is left out is PISSED. I’m pissed off at the fact that anyone would find him a good leader or worthy of running this country. 

Hillary Clinton appears to me to be an uncaring (despite all her seeming caring), over experienced mob boss waiting to take this country to the mattresses (see: Russia). Her campaign slogan, Stronger Together, which is actually true. We as a citizenry are stronger together, but not with her. Which brings me to her other slogan, I’m with her, well I definitely NOT. The idea that the majority of the female population is voting for her because she’s a woman is despicable. It makes me feel SAD>DESPAIR>VULNERABLE/POWERLESS. 

These two candidates as a whole are awful and makes me feel FEAR>ANXIOUS>WORRIED/OVERWHELMED. I feel at this point the only reason either party is voting for their candidate is to stop the other from getting in office and that people is every kind of SAD.

So what’s that leave us with? Jill Stein who’s not going to be on the ballot in all 50 states and Gary Johnson, who will be on the ballot in all 50 states. Surprisingly Johnson has won the hearts of 5% of Bernie followers even though (quoting Bill Maher) he’s a ventriloquist dummie who’s policy positions are almost uniformly the exact opposite of Bernie’s and who when asked to name a foreign country said Brangelina. The majority of his supporters are Libertarians still trying to make their voices heard. Neither of these candidates make me feel anything except maybe STUPID. 

So to sum it all up, politics has made me feel, at least, all of the negative emotions at the same time. Which ultimately leaves me feeling DISGUST>DISAPPROVAL/DISSAPOINTMENT/AWFUL/AVOIDANCE>JUDGEMENTAL/LOATHING/REPUGNANT/REVOLTED/DETESTABLE/HESITANT. The most being HESITANT,hesitant to even cast a vote next month.