It Needed to Be Said

Recently I had a bit of a falling out with, what I would consider, a good friend. No matter the circumstances, no matter what was going down, no matter who was pissed at him (even if that someone was me), I always had his back. 
A little background: I met him when he started dating my cousin. He got me a job with him at FedEx, working for a contractor, driving a box truck and doing pickup and delivery of packages at various warehouses. We talked for hours everyday and really got to know each other. It’s been a fantastic and productive friendship until recently.

I’ve been down for a while (in life in general) and he’s been there, and he’s been down too and I’ve been there as much as possible while also trying to juggle life. 
He and my cousin have broke things off now, and that’s all I’ve heard about from him recently. How much he loves her, wants to be with her, wants his family, and so on, etc. Which, I have much empathy for his situation, been there, done that, got the T-shirt. At the same time, it was putting strain on our friendship due to the fact that he just didn’t seem to get that it was time to move on. 
Recently, he came over to my house and asked to use my phone. I let him, not thinking anything about it, and instead of using it to make a call, he went through all of my messages (like a suspicious girlfriend) and saw some things I had been discussing with a mutual friend about him and his need to slow down, take a step back, and try to see the bigger picture. What’s worse is he’d done this to other friends, going as far as putting his email in their phones in order to keep track of their movements and their correspondence. Well, he stormed off and said I was talking shit, although, everything said in the messages I had said to him at one point or another. 
I was pissed, I saw it as a betrayal of trust. I’ve had his back more than anyone and he was engaged to my cousin with two kids. I knew that we needed to talk (and we most certainly still need to) to get our shit straight, but I wasn’t ready, I was still very angry.
We’d been around each other a couple times since and we only traded pleasantries and small talk. This may have fixed things in his mind, but not in mine. 
To further this drama, I recently got found doing some things I shouldn’t have done, with which he was involved. My cousin (his former fiancé) and her brother (also my cousin) were also implicated in the mess (I am neither confirming or denying their involvement). When approached about it, in order to end any implication of either cousin’s involvement, I had to share a name and I shared his. You can debate and argue to me that that was wrong, but in my eyes if he wasn’t/isn’t willing to fall on that sword for the “family he loves so much”, especially now as a family outsider, then he’s not the guy I thought he was. 
He’s somewhere right now brooding, blaming the whole thing on me, and in my opinion, just being an ass about the whole thing. Hopefully, one day in the not to distant future, we’ll sit down and have the talk that needs to be had and then we can start the rebuild our great friendship. I’m open to the conversation, the ball is in his court.


Batman 💩

Batman is a crock of shit. He’s not a super hero, not even a hero, he’s a vigilante If Gotham knew it was Bruce Wayne, the cities beloved son, there would be no outrage about what he does. They would adore him and they should! 

But the people of Gotham are ridiculous and naive. With all the fancy gadgets Batman has, he’s either ridiculously rich or being bank rolled by someone ridiculously rich. Hmmm…he’s the same height and build as Bruce Wayne? Hundreds of millions of dollars in fancy gadgets? But who is he? I can tell you this: Bruce Wayne is involved with the vigilante “superhero.” 

I see the appeal for kids, they know who Batman is and the world Batman lives in does not. Kids can’t wrap their head around the whole thing. But that is exactly why when we begin to mature we start relating to the Joker. The Joker is real, he feels the struggle and he just wants to prove that society, as a whole, is no better than he is. 

This brings me to the upcoming Justice League movie. I’m not hyped about it at all! I’d much rather go see Ragnarok, at least it’s the continuation of a plot line that already exist and is leading to things of epic proportions. Justice League is just DC trying to play catch-up, which wasn’t necessary in the slightest. They could have done all the solo movies, then the group movie, then more individual movies, and so on, etc… 

Look at the way they did Superman! He’s just gone? What kind of shit is that? What kind of Justice League doesn’t involve Superman? Superman is a real superhero! 

Suicide Squad was good and let’s you believe there’s going to be a big Batman vs. Joker movie that could give the Dark Knight a run for it’s money. Will it ever happen though? 

Batman’s a crock of shit. And know, only DC can change my mind on this. At least they have decent soundtracks. 

“A Life Changer”

So I have a question: have you ever taken a life changing shit? I’m not talking about barely making it to the toilet and then shitting all over the place, I’m talking about a life changing shit that caused some life changing shit.

Now before I get fully into this, why is it before, during, or after we deficate why do we say I need to take a shit, I’m taking a shit, or I just took a shit? Why isn’t it I need to leave a shit, I’m leaving a shit, or I just left a shit? I mean if something happens that I don’t appreciate, for instance someone talking shit, I start by not giving a shit, but I certainly don’t take any shit, and usually ends with me leaving a piece of shit on the floor.

But I digress…

The Urban Dictionary defines “A Life Changing Shit” as this: “When you take a REALLY GOOD shit and it CHANGES you.” Well, allow me to go a little more into detail. 

There are times when you just aren’t feeling yourself, maybe your feeling a little sick or down in the dumps, maybe like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Maybe it’s been a stressful day, week, or month. You feel constipated or even bloated, but you know this can’t be the case because you’ve been shitting regularly. Then suddenly everything you’ve been holding down starts coming up and your belly starts to rumble because you have to shit! You cautiously get yourself to the nearest toilet and you squeez out that first turd and you instantly start feeling better. You’re temperature breaks, you start feeling cheery, the weight lifts, you feel you could take on the world, and that constipated/bloated feeling finally goes away. You’re going to get up off that porcelain throne and you’re going to get things done! That, my friends, is A LIFE CHANGING SHIT. 

Now I’ve experienced a few life changers in my thirty one years, which if you ever see “life changer” as my status on Facebook then you know what’s up, and I’m going to tell you about my first one. 

It was very early in the year 2008 and I was on my first deployment in support of OIF. I was stationed aboard the USS Hary S. Truman and we were somewhere in the Persian Gulf after pulling out of Dubai, UAE for the third time. I had already missed Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family, my son was going to be born soon, and my chief was on me about everything! I wanted to go home or lie down in my rack until we got back home. Needless to say I was stressed and not feeling to great physically or mentally. Then there was a fleeting moment, I don’t remember where I was on the boat when it hit me, but it hit me. Ohhh, I really need to take a shit and I need to do it now! I vaguely remember walking, searching through my brain trying to map the best route to my favorite head, that’s a bathroom to all you civilians, the one that always had toilet paper and it’s never crowded. I remember it being almost a perfect sitiuation, I arrived to the head and it was empty and I didn’t even have to clean the seat (I did anyway). I sat down and the next minute went in slow motion and it went like this. 

There wasn’t even really a grunt, the turd exited out of my bowels, I broke into a small sweat, the turd hit the water and there was barely a splash. Had it been a dive I would have received a perfect score and won gold for my country. Then in a fleeting moment, like being touched by the hand of God, I was healed! I had planned out everyday until my return home, I was motivated to get things done, and the stress of getting home wasn’t bearing down anymore! It was a great moment, like a superb drugless high and I felt like I was king of the world….but just for a minute.

See life changing shits are exceptional and you can ride that high for a while, but it’s more of a “don’t give a shit” high. This happens, your golden minute drugless high turning into a “don’t give a shit” high, because you instantly start to feel a little tired and you lose almost all motivation. And do you want to know why? Because then you remember that you still have to wipe your ass.